i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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