its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
