I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize