How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
