No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
