i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
