He told me they were just razor bumps!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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