i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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