There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
