What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
