I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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