she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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