what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
