I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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