This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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