Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
