Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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