i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
