You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
