Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
