I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
