the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
