Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize