I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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