i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
