i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
