Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
