sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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