she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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