I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
