I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
