i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
