bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
