K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
