It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
