your thong is hanging out like whoa
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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