I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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