So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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