your thong is hanging out like whoa
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
