oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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