I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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