where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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