We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
