He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
