mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
