at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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