I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
