I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
