dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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