I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
