For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize