haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My ass is underappreciated
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
