he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize