Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
