I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
