Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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