I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
