Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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