Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
smell my finger.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize