yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
