i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
