To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
