Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
