i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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