Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
