I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
