Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
