She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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