I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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