You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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