So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
