Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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