Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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