I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
