I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
