just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
