i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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