You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
